…. it was so hard to get out of bed this morning. sometimes i really do wonder if i’m bipolar, i’ll be bouncing off the walls one day, and then the next i’m wracked with sobs and throwing up and unable to sleep… i could barely pull myself out of bed today. this is miserable.

I hate that I threw up last night… i know that it makes absolutely no difference in terms of weight, it’s the worst possible eating disorder to entertain… but i couldn’t let that food stay down in there. i hate the way i look more than anything in the world right now. i just look so vile… but then again, i don’t think this has made anything any better – my face is so puffy & as usual, i burst a blood vessel in my eyelid. ew.

i’m going to try to get back into dieting via healthy means… it’s just so hard when you’re not getting results.

i feel like i’m watching my life spinning out of control… it’s like i’m watching a movie, but i’m finding it totally boring, and couldn’t be less concerned about it. i’m just totally blah right now. it’s like i’m on valium or something. ugh. i need to jolt myself back to life somehow… but what’s worth living for when you feel like this and when you hate everything that makes up who you are? 

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